I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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