I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
