The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
How's work?
Spinning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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