Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
