They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
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He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
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Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
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