Whatcha textin bout Willis?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
