dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
