Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
