hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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