Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
nutella sex= disaster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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