Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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