How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
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I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
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You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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