Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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