I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
4 words: hood of his car
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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