also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
