so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
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plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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