I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Randomize