Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
