The maid of honor just puked.
I puked a lego.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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