So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
