I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
