Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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