Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
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He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
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the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
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