I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm getting married
To pizza
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
