These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
