Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
4 words: hood of his car
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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