Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
