The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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