I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
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tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
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The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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