You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
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Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
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It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize