now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Randomize
