I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
