i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
