She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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