Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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