I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
