Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
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