If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
