girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
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230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
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The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize