Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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