it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
