Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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