I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Randomize
