Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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