ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
