Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
