I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
