The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
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I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
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Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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