mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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