just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
