no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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