i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
