life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
my being single is dangerous.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize
