I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
