This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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