All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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