wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
